I’ve often wondered what various games would look like as RPGs – Space Invaders, OutRun, Granny’s Garden – but I’ve never once wondered about Pong. Have you? I mean it’s Pong, a game about slowly moving a paddle up and down the screen trying to bat a ball towards your opponent and hoping they’ll miss it. How would Pong work as an RPG?
And not just any RPG. I mean a fantasy RPG. I mean fireballs and mana, skills and levelling up, baddies like ogres and slimes, and evil wizards. How would that work? Well wonder no more! Hypergalactic Psychic Table Tennis 3000 has the answer. It also has a ridiculous name. But that’s because it is ridiculous.
It’s unmistakably Pong when you play it. You’re a bat (don’t call me that!) against another bat and there’s a bouncy ball – you know the deal. But here, the bats aren’t just ordinary bats, they’re slimes and ogres and evil wizards. Ogre bats are massive and slow, just like real ogres in, um, real life; and slimes are red blobs and wizards fling fireballs at you. That’s right: fireballs.